yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
