I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
