Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
