My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
