Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
