Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
