dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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