I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
