oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Ketchup is God's man juice
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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