i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
