I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
