just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
