the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
