so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
