if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
