at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
