Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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