I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
