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my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
