She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
