Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
this hospital has no fireball
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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