i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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