even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
