Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
