So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
