tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
