she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
