I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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