Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
