I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
