don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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