You can't motorboat a personality
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
