I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
