why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
