Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
