I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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