just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Vodka?
Forever.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
