He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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