Yo dont text me then not text me
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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