Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
