Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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