You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
