so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
