so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
