Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
