Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
