hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
