There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
