Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
