Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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