I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
