So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
