hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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