im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
