I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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