Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
