Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
