can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
