Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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